Ace of Rods - chorus in praise of rainbow socks and tenacious want
by Marty McConnell
I knew, but didn’t have the words for it then.
red, a street sign’s hint, hijacked lips,
a sort of silent agreement with myself.
compass point, my cherry skin, an afterbirth stain.
red, a street sign’s hint, hijacked lips,
you’d never know it by looking at me.
the compass point a cherry, my skin an afterbirth stain,
I sat next to the bones in my closet for years.
you’d never know it by looking at me,
orange as a horticultural cult, a traffic cone homecoming.
I sat next to the bones in my closet for years,
a frozen corsage, neon trauma marker,
orange, a horticultural cult. a traffic cone. a homecoming.
nothing bad ever happened to me sexually as a child.
frozen corsage, neon trauma marker,
in my family, nobody really touches each other.
nothing bad ever happened to me sexually as a child.
yellow an old, unread note, silence a buttered virtue
in my family, nobody really touches each other.
lemon pronouncement, loud, unsteady trumpet,
yellow’s an old, unread note, silence a buttered virtue--
I’ve known since I was 11. I’m 12 now.
lemon pronouncement, loud, unsteady trumpet,
I was married for six years before I realized.
I’ve known since I was 11. I’m 12 now.
green the vernal arc, promise, a dirty, rapid season,
I was married for six years before I realized
an unripe vow, the death years receding.
green the vernal arc promising a dirty, rapid season,
I was 17. I was 45. I’m still not sure. I don’t like the word.
an unripe vow, the death years receding.
mostly I fall for girls, but I like guys too. it’s confusing.
I was 17. I was 45. I’m still not sure. I don’t like the word
blue. anonymous, necrotic mouths, back pocket testaments,
mostly I fall for girls, but I like guys too. it’s confusing.
last-call royalty, the night’s best bruise, a uniform
blue, anonymous, necrotic. mouths back pocket testaments
when I heard about Matthew Shepard,
last-call royalty, the night’s best bruise, a uniform
when I couldn’t stop thinking about my best friend’s neck.
when I heard about Matthew Shepard,
indigo, a minor distinction, a kite the sky lets go,
I couldn’t stop thinking about my best friend’s neck,
an electric pulse, unexamined tradition, spectral heretic.
indigo, a minor distinction, a kite the sky lets go,
when I saw a man without a shirt on TV,
an electric pulse, unexamined tradition, spectral heretic.
honestly, it was porn that finally made me sure.
when I saw a man without a shirt on TV,
violet, arsenic’s widow, arrowless crossbow,
honestly, it was porn that finally made me sure,
that manipulated interruption, inherited ritual.
violet is arsenic’s widow, an arrowless crossbow.
they begged me not to tell anyone,
a manipulated interruption, inherited ritual,
they said I had 24 hours to get out.
they begged me not to tell anyone
this prism, this spectrum, skyblood, chimera,
they said I had 24 hours to get out
a spectacular mass of refracted atoms,
this prism, this spectrum, skyblood, chimera.
they hugged me and said they loved me.
a spectacular mass of refracted atoms,
it didn’t feel like a lie until it did.
they hugged me and said they loved me.
a sort of silent agreement with myself,
it didn’t feel like a lie until it did.
I knew, but didn’t have the words for it then.
*Multiple lines excerpted from anonymous coming out stories found at: http://www.rslevinson.com/gaylesissues/comingoutstories/blcoming.htm
MARTY MCCONNELL’s work has been published in numerous anthologies and journals including Salt
Hill Review, Rattle, Rattapallax, Fourteen Hills, Thirteenth Moon, Boxcar Poetry Review,
Pedestal, The November 3rd Club, 2River View, Lodestar Quarterly, and Blue Fifth Review. She
received her MFA from Sarah Lawrence College and has been invited to read at numerous literary
festivals including the Geraldine R. Dodge Poetry Festival, Connecticut Poetry Festival, and the Palm
Beach Poetry Festival. After ten years in New York City, during which she co-founded the literary
nonprofit the louderARTS Project and co-curated its renowned reading series, she returned to her
hometown of Chicago to establish its sister organization, Vox Ferus.
I knew, but didn’t have the words for it then.
red, a street sign’s hint, hijacked lips,
a sort of silent agreement with myself.
compass point, my cherry skin, an afterbirth stain.
red, a street sign’s hint, hijacked lips,
you’d never know it by looking at me.
the compass point a cherry, my skin an afterbirth stain,
I sat next to the bones in my closet for years.
you’d never know it by looking at me,
orange as a horticultural cult, a traffic cone homecoming.
I sat next to the bones in my closet for years,
a frozen corsage, neon trauma marker,
orange, a horticultural cult. a traffic cone. a homecoming.
nothing bad ever happened to me sexually as a child.
frozen corsage, neon trauma marker,
in my family, nobody really touches each other.
nothing bad ever happened to me sexually as a child.
yellow an old, unread note, silence a buttered virtue
in my family, nobody really touches each other.
lemon pronouncement, loud, unsteady trumpet,
yellow’s an old, unread note, silence a buttered virtue--
I’ve known since I was 11. I’m 12 now.
lemon pronouncement, loud, unsteady trumpet,
I was married for six years before I realized.
I’ve known since I was 11. I’m 12 now.
green the vernal arc, promise, a dirty, rapid season,
I was married for six years before I realized
an unripe vow, the death years receding.
green the vernal arc promising a dirty, rapid season,
I was 17. I was 45. I’m still not sure. I don’t like the word.
an unripe vow, the death years receding.
mostly I fall for girls, but I like guys too. it’s confusing.
I was 17. I was 45. I’m still not sure. I don’t like the word
blue. anonymous, necrotic mouths, back pocket testaments,
mostly I fall for girls, but I like guys too. it’s confusing.
last-call royalty, the night’s best bruise, a uniform
blue, anonymous, necrotic. mouths back pocket testaments
when I heard about Matthew Shepard,
last-call royalty, the night’s best bruise, a uniform
when I couldn’t stop thinking about my best friend’s neck.
when I heard about Matthew Shepard,
indigo, a minor distinction, a kite the sky lets go,
I couldn’t stop thinking about my best friend’s neck,
an electric pulse, unexamined tradition, spectral heretic.
indigo, a minor distinction, a kite the sky lets go,
when I saw a man without a shirt on TV,
an electric pulse, unexamined tradition, spectral heretic.
honestly, it was porn that finally made me sure.
when I saw a man without a shirt on TV,
violet, arsenic’s widow, arrowless crossbow,
honestly, it was porn that finally made me sure,
that manipulated interruption, inherited ritual.
violet is arsenic’s widow, an arrowless crossbow.
they begged me not to tell anyone,
a manipulated interruption, inherited ritual,
they said I had 24 hours to get out.
they begged me not to tell anyone
this prism, this spectrum, skyblood, chimera,
they said I had 24 hours to get out
a spectacular mass of refracted atoms,
this prism, this spectrum, skyblood, chimera.
they hugged me and said they loved me.
a spectacular mass of refracted atoms,
it didn’t feel like a lie until it did.
they hugged me and said they loved me.
a sort of silent agreement with myself,
it didn’t feel like a lie until it did.
I knew, but didn’t have the words for it then.
*Multiple lines excerpted from anonymous coming out stories found at: http://www.rslevinson.com/gaylesissues/comingoutstories/blcoming.htm
MARTY MCCONNELL’s work has been published in numerous anthologies and journals including Salt
Hill Review, Rattle, Rattapallax, Fourteen Hills, Thirteenth Moon, Boxcar Poetry Review,
Pedestal, The November 3rd Club, 2River View, Lodestar Quarterly, and Blue Fifth Review. She
received her MFA from Sarah Lawrence College and has been invited to read at numerous literary
festivals including the Geraldine R. Dodge Poetry Festival, Connecticut Poetry Festival, and the Palm
Beach Poetry Festival. After ten years in New York City, during which she co-founded the literary
nonprofit the louderARTS Project and co-curated its renowned reading series, she returned to her
hometown of Chicago to establish its sister organization, Vox Ferus.