Wait
by Jeanann Verlee and Carlos Andres Gomez
|
You told him he was a good man,
his mouth is full of splinters. His name is a clock you hang above the stove. He wants to be your husband. He wants to run. You wait. Babies reach for your breasts from passing strollers. Your hips are an invitation. Your face, a love letter. You wait. He is beautiful in the morning— nestles into your chest as if you are something worth needing. His eyes are a treason: pairs of pearl-glossed lips, chestnut braids. He feeds you his smile like a string of candied gemstones. His promises are gospel. His skin, flintspark. The kitchen in your future is full of living. Children and toy cars, rainbows crayoned into counters. You wait. His voice is the sound of gears rotating in the hollow of a bell tower. All you want is a pretty lovebird to sing you to sleep. Could not forgive yourself if you ever had to walk out. Proud. Lonely. Free. When did your lips become echo? Why couldn’t you stop him? Or did he just go? Pack a satchel and run? Where is he running? Why are the dead the only ones you can love? Don’t you want to cut it out of you? That incessant thrumming? This life is a hard dying. A sick everlasting. You call yourself fool. Say these good hearts. You give. God you give. He is a man bound and bellowing. Coated in sugar. You dream someone is always reaching for your hand Kissing your sturdy neck. You want to die in his arms— trapped between maybe and should. How long before you just leap? Say yes. Say love. Slowly the song crawls out your throat. Your fingers are a nest of tangled thorns. You want to be a better woman—but you wait. |
I want to point you out in a crowded room say, That’s my wife, but I associate marriage with death. Last night, I couldn’t sleep. Heard wedding bells in the street. You wait. You wait. You wait. It is a quiet elephant I drag everywhere I go. Attached at the neck by an invisible leash. I want to watch the years build altars of your face. Nestle into your chest as if you are something worth needing. I want to fuck half of Manhattan, forget their names and call myself complex. You told me I was a good man. But I am mere man, flesh and cheap whiskey. Flintspark. I want to raise a defiant daughter. A curious, sensitive boy with my mouth and your hair. I am a simple, easy-way-out kind of fool. I never want to lose who I am. Something must be surrendered. Could not forgive myself if I ever had to walk out. I imagine my mother abandoned in a marriage, her face flood-ravaged. I see her now— Proud. Lonely. Free. Single plate at a table for six. I want to be a better man. More than this circus show of impulse and ache. Where am I running? I’m scared of coming home to an empty house. I will be there. I wait. Thrumming. This life is a hard dying. A sick everlasting. I call myself fool. Say these good hearts. I am neither hero nor monster. You gave me permission for what I am. I dream someone is always reaching for my hand Kissing my sturdy neck. I want to die in your arms. I’m just trapped between maybe and should. Childhood nightmares and fatherhood dreams. How long before I just leap? Say love. Say yes. Slowly the song crawls out my throat. My fingers are a nest of tangled thorns. I want to be a better man— but I wait. |
JEANANN VERLEE is a poet and polka-dot wearer who collects tattoos and winks at boys. Her
work has appeared in various journals and anthologies, including The New York Quarterly, PANK,
FRiGG, and Not A Muse, among others. She is author of Racing Hummingbirds, recipient of the
Independent Publisher Book Award Silver Medal in Poetry. She lives in New York City with her dog
and a pair of origami lovebirds.
CARLOS ANDRES GOMEZ is an actor, playwright, and poet from New York City. He is a Russell
Simmons HBO Def Poet and two-time International Poetry Slam Champion (2006, 2010). Named
Artist of the Year at the 2009 Promoting Outstanding Writers Awards, he co-stars in Spike Lee’s
#1 hit movie INSIDE MAN with a lead role alongside Denzel Washington, Jodie Foster, and Clive
Owen. He has collaborated with Tony Award-winning tap dance legend Savion Glover on Broadway,
represented the United States at the Poetry Africa International Festival in Durban, South Africa,
and was a special guest performer at the MACY's Passport Fashion Show.
work has appeared in various journals and anthologies, including The New York Quarterly, PANK,
FRiGG, and Not A Muse, among others. She is author of Racing Hummingbirds, recipient of the
Independent Publisher Book Award Silver Medal in Poetry. She lives in New York City with her dog
and a pair of origami lovebirds.
CARLOS ANDRES GOMEZ is an actor, playwright, and poet from New York City. He is a Russell
Simmons HBO Def Poet and two-time International Poetry Slam Champion (2006, 2010). Named
Artist of the Year at the 2009 Promoting Outstanding Writers Awards, he co-stars in Spike Lee’s
#1 hit movie INSIDE MAN with a lead role alongside Denzel Washington, Jodie Foster, and Clive
Owen. He has collaborated with Tony Award-winning tap dance legend Savion Glover on Broadway,
represented the United States at the Poetry Africa International Festival in Durban, South Africa,
and was a special guest performer at the MACY's Passport Fashion Show.
