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The Talk
BY F. DOUGLAS BROWN

Mother Says:

we didn’t know birth control
just the sex
got it from my grandma
ten or twelve of her children parading
on the carpet’s 1930s weave
she could bear down
pain her way
through a bolder
weight between her legs
her last was born
under a tree
leaves lumped
like soft loaves of wheat bread
an egyptian cushion
we were told how wide she opened
the wind inside her pushing
the tree reaching down
pulling him out
we never questioned the facts
we just wanted a lil something-something
everywhere on the beach
behind the zoo
my first time was in a stalled car
rain and a boy’s fingers
bucketing down, tapping
on my back and breasts
that night, i did not have
my grandma’s strength
but i too, opened up

Father Told Me:

back then, the body did not have
just the hunger
grandmother’s morals caught us
vinegar or golden seal or buttermilk curdling sweetness hidden under choir robes
her heavy-handed lessons on sex
stained me guilty
in pomegranate
in blood orange
in bible ink brightness
to remind my fingers not to touch
my hands anxiety cramped
afraid to grasp or grope
grandmother’s alluded anger
the fear of being brought before her
my palms inability to catch
to shuck off any tears
my eyes checkered innocent for years
until your mother tinged my vision
she filled my tongue
made it swollen until a gush
pomegranate, blood orange
no shame in
kissing your future
i was trapped in her, drunk
in the wine cooler white of her white
a fruit worth breaking
grandmother’s god and her gaze
poised and precise 
my legs, bridge wide
my skin, back seat tough and leathery
my body, rain drenched on the inside
and you arriving faster
than the next song

F. Douglas Brown is an educator currently teaching English at Loyola High School of Los Angeles, an all boys Jesuit school. He has an MA in Literature and Creative Writing from San Francisco State University and is currently in the MFA program at Antioch University of Los Angeles. He is both a Cave Canem and Kundiman fellow, two writing organizations that celebrate and cultivate African American and Asian American poets, respectively. Mr. Brown has two beautiful children, Isaiah and Olivia. When he is not teaching or writing or being a daddy, F. Douglas Brown spends his time DJing around the greater Los Angeles area.
ISSN 2157-8079
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