What I Learned Volunteering at the Zoo
by Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz
The second most popular time of year for the city zoo
is called Love Fest. Once a year, the city gets to watch
the animals mate. During the day, it’s only the quick
and quiet, sessions appropriate for a birds and bees talk,
but not so graphic that a parent couldn’t explain it away
as, you know, two loudly moaning turtles just hugging.
But at night, they let the real beasts go at it. Fundraisers
for the zoo, businessmen & women drink champagne
and in the safety of heated tram cars, they watch
the tigers and lions fuck, classical music piped in.
The most popular time of year at the city zoo is called
The Babies Are Here! It is the by-product of Love Fest.
Oh, how everyone ooohs and aaahs over tiny tumbling cubs,
the tiny shiny lizards, and even shivering featherless birds.
It’s proof that the ugliest animals can push out cute kids,
which is something that citizens of this city are probably
pretty aware of, as they push the ruddy-faced spawn
in giraffe-shaped zoo strollers, pleading with them to please
not cry, to instead look -- Look! -- at the baby animals,
and aren’t they cute? Did you know, the zookeepers ask,
getting down on one knee, if you tried to get this close
to baby animals in the wild, their parents would kill you?
The parents nod to confirm this. The parents smile.
is called Love Fest. Once a year, the city gets to watch
the animals mate. During the day, it’s only the quick
and quiet, sessions appropriate for a birds and bees talk,
but not so graphic that a parent couldn’t explain it away
as, you know, two loudly moaning turtles just hugging.
But at night, they let the real beasts go at it. Fundraisers
for the zoo, businessmen & women drink champagne
and in the safety of heated tram cars, they watch
the tigers and lions fuck, classical music piped in.
The most popular time of year at the city zoo is called
The Babies Are Here! It is the by-product of Love Fest.
Oh, how everyone ooohs and aaahs over tiny tumbling cubs,
the tiny shiny lizards, and even shivering featherless birds.
It’s proof that the ugliest animals can push out cute kids,
which is something that citizens of this city are probably
pretty aware of, as they push the ruddy-faced spawn
in giraffe-shaped zoo strollers, pleading with them to please
not cry, to instead look -- Look! -- at the baby animals,
and aren’t they cute? Did you know, the zookeepers ask,
getting down on one knee, if you tried to get this close
to baby animals in the wild, their parents would kill you?
The parents nod to confirm this. The parents smile.
Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz's work can be found in McSweeney’s Internet Tendancies, Rattle, Barrelhouse, decomP, kill author and Conduit, among others. She is the author of the non-fiction book Words in Your Face: A Guided Tour Through Twenty Years of the New York City Poetry Slam (Soft Skull Press, 2008) as well as five books of poetry, most recently Everything is Everything(Write Bloody Press, 2010). When not on tour, she can be found loitering at NYC's Bowery Poetry Club, where she helps run the Tuesday night poetry slam series, NYC-Urbana, and dates the surly barkeep, poet Shappy Seasholtz. For more information, please visit her website: www.aptowicz.com.