Ten Years Old Outside the Metal Shop
by Otter Jung- Allen
Dead of winter and no idea how to kiss.
He was in my grade and asked first
so I offered my face where it opened
and let his wet, industrious imitation
move me. I thought of monsters
with tentacles and my own bravery.
In my diary later, I decided I liked it.
Not in sensation but in its graphic
newness. I mean, what a thrill,
to be an adult, to taste
his gum’s blush and know
about pretending. Smell of meat
and metal and snow, my nerves
insulated, the night sky pulled tight
like a tarp. My cock not yet born.
Not even the fear of braces. No idea
white light could grow like moss
around a memory. Even then,
I knew. Kisses weren’t meant to be enjoyed,
they were meant to be accomplished
and studied. Disgust was a lantern
through my life. Coffee. Liquor. Saliva.
Blood. You just have to push yourself
through experiences. Stings, but it makes you
an impressive self, a scythe
through indifference. Never bored
or boring. Gossip a gift. History
a miracle. Looking back, it makes sense
what happened five years later. I was easy
prey. I wanted it all, including
the worst.
He was in my grade and asked first
so I offered my face where it opened
and let his wet, industrious imitation
move me. I thought of monsters
with tentacles and my own bravery.
In my diary later, I decided I liked it.
Not in sensation but in its graphic
newness. I mean, what a thrill,
to be an adult, to taste
his gum’s blush and know
about pretending. Smell of meat
and metal and snow, my nerves
insulated, the night sky pulled tight
like a tarp. My cock not yet born.
Not even the fear of braces. No idea
white light could grow like moss
around a memory. Even then,
I knew. Kisses weren’t meant to be enjoyed,
they were meant to be accomplished
and studied. Disgust was a lantern
through my life. Coffee. Liquor. Saliva.
Blood. You just have to push yourself
through experiences. Stings, but it makes you
an impressive self, a scythe
through indifference. Never bored
or boring. Gossip a gift. History
a miracle. Looking back, it makes sense
what happened five years later. I was easy
prey. I wanted it all, including
the worst.
Otter Jung-Allen was raised in West Philly and is currently completing their MFA at Randolph College. They are the author of the limited edition The Smoke is Singing (2018) and curator of Voices of the East Coast (Penmanship Books, 2017). Otter was the Youth Poet Laureate of Philadelphia (2016-17), a Brave New Voices Champion (2015), and has appeared in projects by Buzzfeed, TED, Gucci, and WHYY. They unconditionally support the liberation of Palestine. Fargo Nissim Tbakhi said “creative work readies us for material work.” They agree.